Before we even start with this topic, it is essential to understand that not all family is healthy and happy. A lot of people assume that a unit is always exciting and full of happiness, but they are not. It means a lot of things need improvement so each member can work on accepting the fact that some families experience tons of stressful situations. In coming to terms of what “family” means for you, everything depends on how you look at it. If you think it’s just about blood relation, then it’s not like that.
Unfortunately the toxicity of bad relationships very often outlasts the relationship itself, like a “gift that keeps on giving” (in the worst of ways) long after the relationship is over. — SETH J. GILLIHAN, PHD
The Considerations You Need To Take
The first thing that you need to consider when it comes to family toxicity is identifying where your boundaries get crossed. There’s a need in knowing how that particular action affects you or how does it feel when it happens. To set out an example; people feel angry when their boundary appears crossed. Some may even withdraw and form barriers in an instant. Others feel incredibly depressed and anxious as well. Most people feel uncomfortable but can’t explain the reason why. These are all the things you also need to figure out for yourself with regards to addressing personal limitations. By structuring it out, it will let you know where your boundaries need to be.
Another thing that you need to evaluate is how pretending that a family member’s behavior is not a big deal. It only ends up with continuous actions of hurting you. You need to know how to detect mixed signals because if you keep ignoring their bad behavior, they think that their acts are something that is okay with you. It eventually ends up repeating the harmful things over and over again. From there, it pushes a reasonable boundary that somehow doesn’t apply to you at all. It allows family members to have more room to become the individuals you wouldn’t want to stay in your life.
Chasing natural phenomena around the world is a terribly dramatic way to deal with the conflicting emotions that so many women experience. But it was a move in alignment with who I’ve always been and what I’ve always done, though it wasn’t in alignment with what I thought society expected me to do.— Shonda Moralis MSW, LCSW
Things You Can Do In Achieving Healthy Boundaries
You may think that when it comes to a family relation, everything is always okay. However, there are instances that you need to handle them indifferently. Allow yourself to have permission to disregard a relationship with them if you know you have to. It is essential to talk about resolutions that can end up cutting family members off. Because if that’s the only way you can keep your peace and sanity intact, do it and cut them off your life. Toxic people are still toxic no matter what their relation to you. These individuals are not healthy for your well-being. The more they make you mad, sad, and depressed, the unhealthier you get. It puts a terrible impact on your emotional, behavioral, and psychological aspects. Yes, you may feel worried about becoming a bad person, but it’s not about that. Everything that matters is your overall health that your family members are trying to damage.
Identifying Toxic People
Before you conclude how family members can become toxic, consider this thing. Toxic people are not entirely bad people to everybody. Sometimes, some of them are okay and good with others. It depends on the cultivated attachment that people form with different individuals. Maybe it is all because of factors such as clashing personalities and different opinions in life. It doesn’t mean that you or a family member is not a good influence. Sometimes, it just means that the particular relationship you have with them and they have with you is not healthy that’s why you need to get out of it. But if cutting them in your life is not your best option, then work harder to get that kind of relationship that makes you both healthy.
Understand that toxic people thrive on passive aggression. Sometimes, instead of directly communicating with you, they do it in an off-handed way where you misinterpret what they are trying to imply. The action leads you to become more upset because you end up over-hearing an issue differently. The only thing you can do with that behavior is to call out on them. Have a conversation where you can sit and speak with them and expect a response. You may not like the process at the beginning, but the continued discussion eventually allows a possible resolution useful in the relationship. Use your chance to express yourself and tell family members how their actions affect you.
Keep in mind there are two things that are inevitable in a conflict: 1.) someone isn’t listening, and 2.) someone isn’t being heard or both. — Clayton Lessor, PhD, LPC
The overall lesson that you may find in this article is the motivation to either cut family members in your life for good or do something to work things out. If you can determine the factors that can excuse toxic people from hurting you, it’s up to your judgment. But if everything gets worst and the situation locks you in an unhealthy atmosphere, go on and let go of these people.
You can also avail of services provided by BetterHelp for additional mental health support. It’s basically an online therapist that is affordable but the quality of service never runs cheap. You can hear from their doctors and other staff but if you’re still not convinced, BetterHelp has partnered with different specialists to best suit your needs.